WARNING – It happened again. I start with an idea of what to write and the post goes and writes itself.


Do you start a post with a cliche? No. Instead I’ll start with a question.

Life is a journey

Actually, Life is  many different things to many different people at many different time and because there is so many Human face with question markdifferent perspectives (realities), Life itself is undefinable. Think of it this way; a math problem with infinite answers is in fact has no answer. It is unanswerable.  This is life as I have come to see it. For the roughly ninety years I breath, life will be an unanswerable math problem. What is entertaining and frustrating;  everyone is trying to answer it. I tell you this because since 1995 I have worked as a train wreck adviser / investigator, a.k.a., Marriage & Family Therapist.

One thing that should be obvious; train wreck severity depends upon the driver. People always get themselves in train wrecks, I say themselves because they are driving the train. I, of course, am included as one of those people. In over twenty years of experience, I have yet to hear of a true train robbery,  no one jumped on-board, gagged, tied and took over.

Oh yes, I hear hijacking stories, both past and present. Because it is easier to explain a hijacking story than it is accepting responsibility for the crash. If you weren’t driving and let someone else crash, guess what, you are still responsible. I know, mind-blowing!

I have my share of crashes and spent time convincing others and myself that I was hijacked. It wasn’t until I took responsibility for the crashes that they stopped. JUST SAYING.

There exists selfish behavior that masquerades as love. I highlighted selfish behavior for a reason. True love is not selfish. Be very cautious because selfish behavior will disguise itself as love. When there is no selfishness present, you have maturity. Maturity is the ability to consider others before yourself. Love is not selfish. I am being direct in making this point because I meet a lot of immature people, most of them are called adults. I personally have another word for them.

Why do half of all marriages end in divorce? Because half of marriages are for selfish reasons alone. Countless devastated relationships occur for no other reason than allowing selfish behavior to become to drive the train. These are train wrecks waiting to happen because the driver is asleep. No one can or will stop the train.

Train wrecks involving children are typically the most destructive because of the passengers on board

I see far too many train wrecks involving children. They are victims of selfish behavior that started with self serving desire. The kind of desire that over-rides any thought of others. I am sure you have stories of your own. Half of the time it works out just fine and half of the time it doesn’t. The problem is, the half that doesn’t involves a helpless child who is captive to the train wreck.

A past train wreck I recall involved infidelity. The couple had a fight, the wife went drinking with friends and … A week later, husband and wife reconciled. A month later, wife discovered she was pregnant. Nine months later, a baby girl is born. Nine years later, husband and wife are in the midst of divorce. During one of the many nights that baby girl sat in her room while mom and dad scream, she hears, “She’s not even yours.”

It gets worst. The husband is so consumed with anger that he demands a paternity test. I hope you see the damage from the absence of love. For nine years this baby girl had a father, a relationship, not built on biology but on LOVE, and because of selfish anger, the baby girl is left fatherless.

broken-heartLife is a journey, among other things. Only nine years into baby girls journey she is lost. Life is a marriage, among other things. A marriage from which only death will you part. Life is a series of events linked together to form a story, among other things.

Nine years ago, baby girl was married  to life. Unfortunately, the marriage was arranged by two drunken selfish fools. Events linked together to form a story, her story. Today, two selfish fools will again impact her story. This time, instead of lust, it is anger and hatred. It is, the absence of love. ←(Link)

Lets review the series of events linked together to form this story. Husband and wive have a fight. Wife has an affair with an unknown man. Husband and wife reconcile. Wife is pregnant and gives birth to a baby girl. Despite bad choices, at this time, there is no train wreck. Seven years into a shaky marriage, the lack of maintenance is obvious and the marriage begins to dissolve. Still no train wreck, but this is a precarious time, every choice from this point forward will determine the future; if and how bad the train wreck will be. Two years later, with no repairs, the train wreck happens.

I want to point out that even after the train wrecks, either of the engineers can independently minimize the damage. In other words, even after a crash, it isn’t too late for LOVE.

In the absence of love, mutual destruction is assured. During a screaming match of anger and hatred, the wife yells, “She’s not even yours.” This is a RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade) intended for the husband but destroys baby girl.

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Even at this point of devastation, it’s not too late for love. In the face of anger and hatred, the husband can respond in love. A reply of , “She is my daughter, for nine years and as long as she wants me as her dad.” See how even in the midst of hurt, Love can cover the pain.

“Love covers a multitude of sins”

1 Peter 4:8


  CAUTION: The Choice is Yours

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Reluctant Therapist