There are times when my wife (Tori) and I are on the same page. This is a wonderful moment when our discussions flow, it is a time when see the same thing the same way. Then there are the other times when we are like a Congress, stuck, unable to understand the other. It is not, after 21 years of marriage, we don’t know each other. The culprit is our state of mind.

Being a therapist has its advantages. One is the ability to observe behavior from the safety of the Third Person. It is like the grandparent that enjoys the grandkids all day but doesn’t have to put them to bed. Being the third person I observe as the couple work through the issue. During times of blockage what I discover is Emotion meets Rationale. One is coming from a rational state and another from an emotional state. Neither of these is exclusive to Men or Women. There are times when Tori is being rational and I am emotional and the other way around. It seems it has more to do the emotional connection to the issue, some one is always more emotionally attached then the other.

From what I see Emotion to Emotion leads to a fight – not productive. Emotion to Ration is 50/50. The best seems to be Ration to Ration. Keeps this in mind the next time there is an issue that will not resolve.