This post came to me while mowing my lawn. Mowing is just one of several activities that causes my mind to wander. So, while zipping around on my zero turn, I often go over the weeks conversations with patients. This ordinarily triggers a thought that may turn into a post that makes its way to this blog. After 21 years of making a living by talking, I discovered that conversations are usually a good source of wisdom and entertainment; two things most needed to live a proper life.

For the record, I am a professional PROBLEM SOLVER. I know my title is therapist, but that just means I am trained in human behavior/development and that I am supposedly tactful with said humans. In short, I get paid to help people navigate what is called the human condition.¬†This human condition is the characteristics, key events, and situations which makes up the essence of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotional, aspiration, conflict, and eventual death. This condition is the product of living. If you’re not experiencing the human condition – you’re not ALIVE ūüí°

choise Street-SignBack to being human and problem solving. RESOLUTION is one of those many words that contains a hidden meaning, a meaning that goes unnoticed. One definition of this word is¬†a firm decision to do or not to do something. O.K.¬†Part of a resolution is to make a choice to act. Got it.¬†Another meaning is¬†the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter. O.K.¬†Part of a resolution is to solve a problem. Got it. ¬†Soooo,¬†RESOLUTION of the HUMAN CONDITION means CHOOSING to take Action … or not … to Solve a Problem … or not.¬†

As a “talk therapist,” I, have one tool, TALK. So, I know the influence of words. Therefore, I know that conversation is a very powerful tool. One that equally constructive or destructive, depending on the motive of the user.

For the reason stated above, the first thing I want to know when I meet someone professionally is their expectation. Sometimes that expectation is a hidden agenda, but that’s a story for another post. In dealing with human problems, knowing a persons expectations or agenda up front is wise because they¬†are a telling indicator of the persons motive and can save you a lot of unnecessary pain..

In the typical dispute, resolution¬†often¬†reveals another side of itself: the quality of being determined or resolute. O.K. Part of resolution is persistent perseverance – stubbornness. Got It. ¬†Do you see where I’m going ?

RESOLUTION is the persistent choice to solve problems

When I meet with a married couple, I always start by asking if they exchange vows … RESOLUTIONS. You know, something to the effect of I will stand by you and always support you – bla bla bla (excuse my sarcasm). If ever you find yourself as a part of the human pair dealing with a dispute, be sure to get an understanding of the purpose of the conversation. This will gives a clue to the odds of successful resolution. If the purpose is to find someone at fault, then I say the odds of successful resolution are slim. On the other hand, if the purpose is to find a way to avoid this problem in the future, then I say the odds of successful resolution are great.

This is how my part typically plays out. I sit in my chair, as the couple sitting on the couch replay the drama du jour¬†for 30 minutes, with me attempting to mutter a few words. A trick I learn is to do something dramatic myself, by doing this I get the warring parties to refocus on me. Sometimes a cuss word or tearing something will do it but my favorite is to agree with one of them. Siding with one almost always gets the desired behavior. If one of them thinks I am on the others side … that gets their attention. ¬†After regaining control of the discussion, I ask a single question:

Do You Believe Every Problem Has A Solution

 

The answer says it all. It often changes the finger-pointing drama to RESOLUTION.

Human face with question mark

[poll id=”11″]

 

Reluctant Therapist