Sometimes I think I expect to much. After nearly 20 years of working with people has taught me one thing, lower your expectations. People are so unpredictable  that you never know for sure what to expect. So, I now enjoy the peace of lowered expectations rather then the feeling of disappointment others to be like me.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not advising that you yourself lower your standards, only that you lower that what you expect from others.

You personally should always be BTC!

At the heart of BTC is a rule of gold.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Mathew 7:12

People use me like they do there mechanic. My job, they think, is to “fix” it. I have a reluctant confession: I am NOT interested in fixing your problem, never have and never will. However, I am intrigued with the behavior that led to the problem and helping YOU fix your problem. This is how I learned to take responsibility for my part and leave the rest.

I show the tools to use and give specific instructions, that is the extent of my role. I have no expectations of what my patient does because I have no control beyond myself. When I first started my practice, I had high expectations of every person that came through my office. The problem: Those high expectations statistically come with frustration, disappointment and anger which led to a very Reluctant Therapist.

A psychology professor helped me fix the paradox. The paradox is; the more you expect … the more you are disappointed. It was explained to me that there is a “rule of thirds” that essentially puts us into three camps. In the first camp we have, at their core, problem solvers. This is not to say this camp doesn’t make mistakes, they only tend not to repeat them. These are the people that repeating a mistake is so uncomfortable they take effort to avoid them. The effort is no more then being conscience of their choices. That is, they take time to think about the decision and different choices. The opposite camp is non-conscience. Some how, mistakes are so common in this camp that they are comfortable with them. That is, they have become so use to ? they do nothing to change it.The noticeable difference in these two camps is the ratio of good to bad choices. The conscience camp is 3 good choices out of 4. The non-conscience camp is 1 good choice out of 4. Another striking feature of the non-conscience camp is their resistance to improvement. This third camp is a mix bag of potential. The problem with 50/50, it’s ➡ lukewarm.

After 53 years, I have lived in all 3 camps. Thirteen years ago I arrived in the conscience camp and I’m – never leaving.

This defines the majority of us. We go through life acquiring skills. After high school we get our first clue. Somewhere in the 20’s comes the real job. The late 20’s to early 30’s is is when we finally learn that real choice comes with real life consequence, both good and bad. Hopefully we minimize the bad and maximize the good, this called growing-up. One of those choices is commitment. Commitment to your future (accountability), commitment to others (responsibility), commitment to relationship (loyalty), and commitment to self (integrity).


I will continue to be the best I can be. The only expectations I have is for me because that is where it starts … with me.


-Reluctant Therapist