Not the brain eating kind, mostly because it’s hard to find a good brain these days. No, instead of taking brains, these Zombies sacrifice their own. The problem with sacrificing your brain; you are sacrificing your very being; and it’s voluntary.
The problem with this Zombie Apocalypse is that appears to be by choice. Every Zombie moans their woes and never grunt their blessings. That is the first sign of Zombification. Each story ends with, “I never choose this.” Ohhhh but you did my walking dead friend. That is the second sign, evasion of any responsibility to their freaky state. If you didn’t choose … WHO did?
For the sake of zombies reading this I will only tackle these two signs: PESSIMISM : the glass is always have empty and IRRESPONSIBILITY: (which I will call immaturity). O.K., so you know you’re a Zombie (or at least on your way) if you have one of these two signs.
The first, pessimism, is one we all all recognize: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future. But more then that is a belief that this world is as bad as it could be or that evil will ultimately prevail over good.
You know when you are talking to Eeyor If you have lost hope and confidence in the future and believe that this world is broken beyond repair and evil will prevail over good; you’ll understand why I didn’t CHOOSE you to be on my team. Everyone has an Eeyor in their life. Be careful because they will suck the life spirit from your marrow.
The second sign, immaturity, is selfishness. That’s it. Plain and simple. If you cannot or will not think of others (especially those weaker) before yourself, you my brain-dead friend are immature. I don’t care how sophisticated and culture you are, you are a Irresponsibility, immaturity and selfishness all hang together so if you see one, the others are right around the corner.
That’s the extent of it fellow Zombie hunters. It is simple and sweet. Identification hinges on these two. If any of the signs are there, the others like rudeness, arrogance, excessive anger, and apathy will take over the host human soon after.
I understand that the top Zombie killing weapon is the Ninja Forearm Machete. However, a more subtle approach may be an any sized foot swiftly administered to the lower posterior of said Zombie . This tends to get the attention of zombies. Note: the administered kick to the posterior can be either figurative or literal. I’ll leave that call to you. Remember, we aren’t out to kill the human race, we are fighting to bring back humanity.
WARNING: Zombies gain power by encroaching on an others → boundaries ← (read for further instruction). DO NOT ever, under any circumstance, allow your boundary to be destroyed.
HAPPY HUNTING … Brett